some good ol' Irish humor

[Liquid Swords]

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland's draw with Germany.* Mick the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy."

Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.* He falls flat on his
face.

"Shite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again.* He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.* He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame.* He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk.* He falls flat on his face.

"I'm fockin' focked," he says.* He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says, "No fockin' way."* He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says, "I can make it to the bed."* He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.* He says, "Fock it" and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jessie, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy.* Did you have a bit to drink last night?"

Paddy says, "I did Jessie.* I was fockin' pissed.* But how'd you know?"

"Mick called......You left your wheelchair at the pub again."