Pred's Fantasy Football Forums

Once the Son of Thunder wandered waist-deep in the mire
Held his breath and then went under, turned into fire
-- Kid Nietzsche

You know I've been busy when I defeat the Predators in a classic playoff-run contest and I can't even find the time to talk some smack. Or I get whipped by the Opihi a week earlier and can't even find the words to salve my players' wounds.

This is the best time of year: in the Frenzy League, when division mates tend to do serious damage to one another as playoff dreams are squashed and hot win streaks cool abruptly; and in "real life", where if I'm not busy with all my holiday preparations, then I'm busy trying to finish everything I need to finish before I get busy with holiday preparations. And so it will happen that I get distracted from the Frenzy League just when it most deserves my attention.

Perhaps that explains my slack defensive performance against the Opihi in Week 11. There was the incident where I forgot, two days in a row, to FedEx over the game film for the team to study. And I missed a coach's meeting because I got caught in a long checkout line at Filene's Basement. Nevertheless, I like to blame the players. They couldnt' cover anyone out there! They were moving like zombies!

Well, if we can't move as fast as the Opihi, we're just gonna have to make 'em as slow as us. I'll take a page out of literature, namely, Batman's rematch with the Leader of the Mutant Gang in Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns, Book Two: The Dark Knight Triumphant. In their first fight, Batman tries to match his adversary's speed and savagery and is beaten to a pulp. So he arranges a re-match knee-deep in the mud. "This isn't a mudhole," Batman explains as he twists his foe's leg out of its hip socket. "It's an operating table. And I'm the surgeon."

Like a surgeon (cuttin' for the very first time), I may have to get my points in little chunks, with two of my better players playing the Ravens. But I seem to recall the Ravens giving up over 200 rushing yards to the Bengals in their first game as defending champions. And Carson Palmer seems to have found his rhythm with Chad Johnson. So I enter this match fearing nothing. For the brackish marsh is the domain of the Undead, and when I beckon you within, it is you who will know fear....

(The more observant among you will note that the Opihi, and not the Undead, are the home team this week, which seems to contradict my swampy strategy. Do not underestimate the Undead! Due to "unforseen circumstances", today's match has been moved to the basement of the Hamilton library, University of Hawaii at Manoa.)